上海與我

yo................
各位親愛的...我離開地球一排你地有無掛住我???(答案唔好咁直接....知無?)
呢排都係忙住係火星返工...熱到嘔...夏天!!!...我最討厭既夏天..%$^%E#^%^.

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記得4﹑5年前..家裡來了頭自來狗...黎左唔肯走...就養左落黎....哥哥帶小狗睇獸醫...係一隻銀狐mix鬆獅..2個月大BB仔...哥哥取名為Tiger...

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Tiger全身白色...但有一條金啡色毛由頭頂成一直線生到尾巴...Tiger除左半夜有人係門口行過會吠之外...從來都唔會吠...唔咬人...見人就笑...就舔...擺尾擺到個身好似就黎斷開一半咁都唔厭....識分左右...識比手手...叫佢比左手就比左手...右手就比右手..
媽咪初初反對我地養...話養人都未養得掂...我地一於好少理啦....跟住慢慢變左最縱Tiger果個係我媽咪囉...(女人)...初初唔比Tiger錫佢面..佢話好污糟...跟住Tiger就成日趁媽咪唔覺意(eg.睇電視果陣)跑過去錫佢一啖...跟住以光速跑開...再回頭對我呀媽奸笑...一時我地坐係地下同佢玩果陣佢又走埋黎坐係我地大脾到要人摸佢....Lum到我地暈..媽咪唔準佢上Sofa訓..佢就偷偷地訓..比人發現左又施展佢擺尾功....我地全家都錫到佢膿..我更為左佢由房搬出廳...為左可以抱住佢訓.....朝早鐘意同盡一切方法叫我起身帶佢落公園玩...唔理佢就係我頭度踩兩腳..不過通常都叫唔醒我......跟住就去敲哥哥度門...哥哥話"去街街啦"..佢即刻自已擔埋狗繩比我呀哥..

有一日...下午我帶Tiger落街散步...因為Tiger唔係細狗...加上佢有得出街會好興奮...一開門唔理邊層都會衝..所以我係lift度都會痞底身攬住佢...唔比佢向前衝(次次都會咁)....果日...唔知做乜Q咁黑仔..lift門一開我都未放開手...都未黎得切反應就比人鬧....

死肥婆: 嘩!!!!!
死肥仔: 嘩!!!!!!
死肥佬: 你呀!!你咁大隻狗就唔好帶佢出街啦...嚇親人呀!!!
我:....................你邊忽有事呀??.....肥佬...我隻狗做左d乜嚇親你地呀??前世未見過狗呀??我都未話你呀..你老婆同個仔大叫嚇親我同我隻狗呀....
死肥佬: 你咩人黎架...咁無家教....
我: 咩人唔洗你理...有無家教都唔到你管..因為你無資格!...教下你老婆同個仔唔好大庭廣眾大叫先....影響市容...
死肥佬: 你住邊層?我叫管理處黎捉你!!!
我: 你cancer上腦呀??點解要話你知我住邊??同埋我唔知私人樓唔養得狗架囉...要捉捉你地一家先啦...係度亂吠....叫管理處黎捉我...哈哈...睇醫生啦你..
死肥佬: 你因住黎...o靚妹
我: 你小心身體呀肥佬...咁勞氣死左唔知咩事....正"不該"(國語發音).....

....我好串??都係...以前好鐘意聊人鬧交....可能同呀媽駁咀駁得多...口痕...同埋唔識死...不過同你講我唔驚就呃你啦...人地一家3口...個個膽固醇過高咁款...我就單拖一隻狗...不過...比人咁鬧法....我係唔會忍....最重要係對住無禮貌既人...我亦唔覺得我要禮貌對佢...10倍還返比你...唔洗同我講多謝..
之後返屋企同哥哥講...哥哥叫我形容下佢地咩豬樣....講完佢竟然話佢識喎....佢帶埋Tiger去死肥佬屋企...返到黎哥哥話佢一見到Tiger原來係佢養..即刻話無事..一場誤會...挑你無味...我哥哥188高..你米6唔知有無...整一腳過你都返天國啦...大蝦細..比care餵......等我受完氣返屋企谷左兩滴眼淚添...
哥哥話佢係上海人...上海人係咁...講野大大聲...目中無人..
媽咪話上海人見高拜見低踩...好勢利....
我好記得我果刻立即...馬上......immediately....超級極憎極度討厭上海人...
我同媽咪講: 我呢世嫁豬嫁狗都唔嫁上海人!!正XX...痴孖筋...頂佢個制...(下刪一千字)...
之後我將呢件事講晒比我所有識既人聽...上海人(衰果d)比我咀咒咀咒再咀咒...我每日都用盡我識既粗口咀咒佢地..(所以依家講得咁流利)...
點知.....大約3年半前...我同顧生拍拖.....哈哈哈......聰明既你地應該估到佢係Made in Shanghai...Oops...(即刻同自已洗腦)...世事住住豈能盡如人意呢...人生就係咁架啦...算啦...有人要就算啦..唔好計較咁多啦....嫁得出就算....
不過babe個爸爸都係因為唔鐘意上海人...特登娶個老婆唔係上海人...連佢都話上海人好煩...o拿...咁係我屈佢地啦...
babe話上海女人會打老公...上海男人會錫老婆.........我信...你地信唔信???
你快d錫我多d啦babe.....

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講咁多做乜??本少姐下個月去上海出巡...我希望我可能對上海呢個地方同呢度既人改觀...你班上海人同我醒醒定定!!!